#20 Growing Trees
“Someone is sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago"
- Warren Buffet
The problem we have with planting trees, of course, is that they take so damn long to grow.
But they don't have to.
There are two ways to look at planting this metaphorical tree. The first is a bias toward the process. The second is a bias toward the outcome. Outcome bias leads to brain sludge, which you can learn about here.
Outcome bias has dynamic, internal, and external consequences. And it makes everything harder than it needs to be.
"The Grass Isn't Always Greener"
It depends. The truth is, if you are focused on other people's grass and how green it is today - it probably is greener than yours.
The grass often is greener on the other side. If you’re the kind of person that spends time looking at other peoples grass, you’re not spending much time tending to your own.
Let’s Grow Some Trees
Let's pretend for a moment that you and I both want to grow trees.
You approach like you approach all goals - which is an outcome bias.
You want the tallest, greenest tree.
I have a different approach, a process orientation.
I want to become great at growing trees
We will start the same; planting our tree wherever we believe to be the ideal spot.
From here, our paths diverge.
Even though we are both aware that growing a tall, green, healthy tree is going to take time...
You won't be happy until you have the tallest, greenest tree in town. You've set yourself up to be miserable for a long time.
I will be happy every chance I get to get better at growing my tree. I've set myself to win every single day - as long as I improved my tree growing game, I’m thrilled.
Same daily actions, very different levels of daily stress.
This is not insignificant.
Remember our friends, Time and Randomness?
As time passes unexpected things happen; they always have and always will. Inevitably, something unexpected will happen. A thunderstorm, hurricane, tornado, death in the family, travel, etc.
And when something unexpected happens...
You have a meltdown.
Reality is not meeting your expectations. You're so focused the how far away the finish line is, you get angry. You kick your tree, you stomp around the yard, and, at the moment, hate growing trees. You start to wonder if it's even worth it - so you take a few days off of the stress of growing trees.
I have a different response:
Something unexpected happened, what a great opportunity to learn more about growing trees!
Let's pretend the unexpected thing was a flash flood.
You will experience this as a negative experience. There is no benefit to you, its entirely downside since the only way to win is to have a tall tree.
I will experience something different - an opportunity to learn how to grow trees in spite of a flood. I will learn to become better prepared, learn to make better contingency plans, etc. My process will improve. I am winning because I am becoming better at growing trees.
At this point, our trees may look similar, but I have the advantage.
We experience the exact same unexpected even.
It hurt you, it benefitted me.
I'm improving my process, and becoming a better tree grower. Randomness benefits me. You're walking in circles stressed out of your mind, thinking about quitting. Randomness hurts you.
I'm finding enjoyment, each day; falling in love in the process. The more time that passes, the more I am winning.
You're thinking about how unfair the world is to you, and how far away the finish line is. The more time that passes, the more frustrated you become.
This is the fun - and counterintuitive - part:
You're so focused on what you want, it's lowering the probability that you get it.
You're more likely to quit.
You're more likely to need a couple of days off, which delays the outcome further - perpetuating the cycle of frustration.
You're slowly becoming a ticking time bomb - increasingly likely to blow the whole thing up.
Tree growing has decreased the quality of your life.
Blinded by the desired outcome, you’re also blinded to the process of getting better. Even if you have the discipline to see it through, I am still winning.
We both have a tall, green tree. Similar outcome on the same timeline.
Except…
You tortured yourself the entire time.
I had fun -the whole process has been cathartic.
You suffered for what felt like forever.
The time passed for me in the blink of an eye.
Similar outcome.
Same timeline.
Very different experience. What was a source of enjoyment for me has been a source of stress for you.
To you, growing trees is hard.
To me, it's effortless.
So effortless, that as I keep growing trees, and get better with time, it will irritate the shit out of you. You’ll probably quit tree growing altogether.
Then, you'll find a new goal and repeat this whole thing again. and again. and again.
Or...
You can learn to fall in love with the process.
Focus on the process, not the outcome.
Focus on becoming great at creating the things you want, not having the things you want.
The finish line will come to you.
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